Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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