cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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