Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
4 words: hood of his car
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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