the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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