sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
