i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
