I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
