After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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