Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
