At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am one with the molecules
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
