You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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