I wish my penis had an off switch
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
