Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
