he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
