I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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