today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
