you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
