you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
