Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
