I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Randomize
