i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
