SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
