I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
