why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
