guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
