just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
