were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
