Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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