the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
