Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
