We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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