He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
