Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
