So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
