my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
