Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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