Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
