bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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