dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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