We should be called the Road Head Warriors
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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