Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
