do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
