I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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