oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
