He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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