If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
