do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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