We won't sleep together?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
