He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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