first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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