My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
handjob tips. give me some.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
